Thursday, March 15, 20129:54 PM
■ pococurante.
I'm so afraid to dream big. I'm afraid of being utterly disappointed when those dreams turns out to be fat hopes after all. I may sound helpless but my hopes are draining after every hurdle; my drive is not there anymore.
What sucks the most? It's only the beginning... Ya Allah, berikanlah ku kesemangatan dan kekuatan untuk mengharungi segala cabaran yang akan ku hadapi tidak lama lagi.
I need even the littlest things to motivate me to do well for I feel like a failure now. Why oh why? Sighs. Hi Misery, I'm afraid you may have to be my best friend for now.
Dear Hope, please come back soon for I am in despair.
Sunday, March 11, 201211:03 PM
■ om om chakee chakee.
“Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.”
— Victoria Holt
Camp was such an exhilarating experience. It really was. This wouldn't be possible without the awesome PSLs and amazing instructors, not forgetting the teachers. (: I genuinely enjoyed the camp despite the 'big deals' we had to bear with. For instance, the sudden thunderstorm and the super dreary long walks. Somehow, I shall say that those big deals wouldn't be etched in my mind as bad encounters but instead great ones- wonderful people around me basically turned the mini disasters into joyful occasions filling it with cheers, silly gestures, jokes, crazy antics and many more. Am I fortunate to have a memorable Bintan Outdoor Camp experience. Hahaha, the next best part of the camp? Asides from the pursuits of happiness? Hmm... This may sound weird but I would definitely categorize the toilets to be the next best part of the camp. The toilet was so lush that I would camp there if given a choice to. Seriously! I believe the other campers would agree with me too. (: Heeh! My left eye is giving me a signal already- lights off now, I believe. Take care ~
Sunday, February 26, 20123:39 PM
■ ser hora de hacer algo.
... homework and revision to be exact.
So far, life is great. It have always been great. No doubt about it. (:
So far, life is great. It have always been great. No doubt about it. (:
There's nothing much for me to spill over here. I just wanna say that I miss being optimistic. Haha, yes. Lately, I've been rather pessimistic. My pessimism about the future is so pervasive that the dangers lurking in the abyss are haunting me. I'm getting worried because of my negative aura. Aside from that, I've been freely throwing tantrums and harsh words at people even for the littlest mistake or act they make. I feel guilty for that. Sorry.
It sucks feeling miserable. Haha. So for that, I think I shall resolute to being optimistic and staying positive all times since I'm deprived of that currently. First, I shall make it a point to smile genuinely at every one I encounter with everyday. If they don't return the same jovial smile, I shall then smile goofily at the mirror to cheer me-self up. Let see how everything goes. (:
Alright, I think I'm done here. I shall get back to whatever I'm suppose to be doing. Take care.
xoxo
P.S A lil' quote to get your inner belief stronger.
Saturday, February 4, 20123:07 PM
■ intransigence.
This is all too wrong. I don't know why but why is this welling up in me? I suffocate at my words everytime it comes around. Nothing seems right. )': My sore conscience is tearing me apart, making me feel mentally, physically & emotionally unwell. Thoughts of it runs the speed of light through my cerebral nerves everytime it comes around. I feel weak and hopeless. Why is it overwhelming me? Crosses of rejection & reluctance practically kills the whole situation but why conquer my whole being? Why must I always play victim? )': I'm deprived of everything you know not of. Is there an intent for all of this to happen? No? Then why? )':
I believe it'll be all heads down from now onwards, rather than to hear a start of a new chapter.
Farewell, goodbye. (':
I believe it'll be all heads down from now onwards, rather than to hear a start of a new chapter.
Farewell, goodbye. (':
Friday, January 20, 20124:08 PM
■ it started with a whisper.
It was extremely awkward when I saw Charles the other day. Not that he saw me, but still... Phew. He shouldn't have confessed to me. Worse still, asking me to be his girlfriend. Now, the barrier of awkwardness between us is all too overwhelming. What more, I have to survive 'seeing' him when he happens to get into the same school as me. Hah.
I shall give myself a hearty rest now.
xoxo
Tuesday, January 17, 20129:15 PM
■ not all are fine.
I'm suffering from bipolar disorder.
Monday, January 16, 201210:44 PM
■ 'cos you've got that one thing.
I'm going gugugaga over One Direction, people! ❤ Honestly, I was never a Directioner ever since; their release of 'What Makes You Beautiful' was their catch to my wave! Hahaha, that's how it all started. Since then, I began searching back to their early days in X Factor & yes, I fell in love with them. They're just so charming- there are more words to describe them though. They... they're like dream guys for every girl out there! Well, not all girls though. But, ahem, I'm one of those girls who fangirl about them all the time. *cheeky smile* Heeeheeeee. :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
& Who do I love most in the band? The answer is at the end of this entry. Now, a treat for you-
& Who do I love most in the band? The answer is at the end of this entry. Now, a treat for you-
Pssst, pay attention to Zayn's cutesy expression from 1:23 onwards. :3
[Liam]
I've tried playing it cool
But when I'm looking at you
I can’t ever be brave
'Cause you make my heart race
[Harry]
Shot me out of the sky
You're my kryptonite
You keep making me weak
Yeah, frozen and can't breathe
[Zayn]
Something’s gotta give now
'Cause I’m dying just to make you see
That I need you here with me now
'Cause you've got that one thing
[All - Chorus]
So get out, get out, get out of my head
And fall into my arms instead
I don't, I don't, don't know what it is
But I need that one thing
And you've got that one thing
[Niall]
Now I'm climbing the walls
But you don't notice at all
That I'm going out of my mind
All day and all night
[Louis]
Something’s gotta give now
'Cause I'm dying just to know your name
And I need you here with me now
'Cause you've got that one thing
[All - Chorus]
So get out, get out, get out of my head
And fall into my arms instead
I don't, I don't, don't know what it is
But I need that one thing
So get out, get out, get out of my mind
And come on, come into my life
I don't, I don't, don't know what it is
But I need that one thing
And you've got that one thing
[Harry]
You've got that one thing
[Liam]
Get out, get out, get out of my head
And fall into my arms instead
[All - Chours]
So get out, get out, get out of my head
And fall into my arms instead
I don't, I don't, don't know what it is
But I need that one thing
So get out, get out, get out of my mind
And come on, come into my life
I don't, I don't, don't know what it is
But I need that one thing
Yeah, you've got that one thing
The member of One Direction whom I love most is..... NONE.
C'mon guys, they're all ATTRACTIVELY AWESOMELY AMAZING!
& I love Zayn Malik, Harry Styles, Liam Payne, Louis Tomlinson and Niall Horan forever and ever. ❤
I've tried playing it cool
But when I'm looking at you
I can’t ever be brave
'Cause you make my heart race
[Harry]
Shot me out of the sky
You're my kryptonite
You keep making me weak
Yeah, frozen and can't breathe
[Zayn]
Something’s gotta give now
'Cause I’m dying just to make you see
That I need you here with me now
'Cause you've got that one thing
[All - Chorus]
So get out, get out, get out of my head
And fall into my arms instead
I don't, I don't, don't know what it is
But I need that one thing
And you've got that one thing
[Niall]
Now I'm climbing the walls
But you don't notice at all
That I'm going out of my mind
All day and all night
[Louis]
Something’s gotta give now
'Cause I'm dying just to know your name
And I need you here with me now
'Cause you've got that one thing
[All - Chorus]
So get out, get out, get out of my head
And fall into my arms instead
I don't, I don't, don't know what it is
But I need that one thing
So get out, get out, get out of my mind
And come on, come into my life
I don't, I don't, don't know what it is
But I need that one thing
And you've got that one thing
[Harry]
You've got that one thing
[Liam]
Get out, get out, get out of my head
And fall into my arms instead
[All - Chours]
So get out, get out, get out of my head
And fall into my arms instead
I don't, I don't, don't know what it is
But I need that one thing
So get out, get out, get out of my mind
And come on, come into my life
I don't, I don't, don't know what it is
But I need that one thing
Yeah, you've got that one thing
The member of One Direction whom I love most is..... NONE.
C'mon guys, they're all ATTRACTIVELY AWESOMELY AMAZING!
& I love Zayn Malik, Harry Styles, Liam Payne, Louis Tomlinson and Niall Horan forever and ever. ❤
Wednesday, January 11, 201212:17 PM
■ you're beautiful.
This cute boy here made my day. Truthfully, I do always feel insecure about my flaws. I was always afraid of being judged for who I am. My insecurities have somehow killed me emotionally and yes, somehow this gentleman have made me feel better. Thank you for that. :)
So results were already released two days back. Alhamdullilah, my efforts have paid off- for certain subjects, of course. However, my results weren't too bombastic. They were just the results I hoped for. Thankfully my efforts in English and Chemistry paid off- I managed to secure a distinction for English and a B3 for Chem. Alhamdullilah. However, E.Maths and A.Maths would be a lil something to talk about- I only managed to secure an A2 for E.Maths, A.Maths was a B3. :/ Well, I've done my very best at that point of time. Honestly saying, I had nightmares of failing Physics. & that nightmare didn't come true. Alhamdullilah. Maybe, I was guilty for not putting enough effort in midst of the preparation for Os. I didn't work doubly hard for my weak subjects. :/ That would explain why my grades were not equivalent to that of my goals. At least the whole nightmare of O levels have already gone with the wind.
Plans ahead? Well, I hope I could enroll in a JC and experience the next stage of national examinations- A levels. Come to think of it, a ripple is cascading down my back now. Brr. Guess it's gonna be another new rollercoaster ride, only much bumpier and crazier as suggested by JC students. Well, since my JAE is submitted already, I shall not regret anything. (:
Friday, January 6, 201211:53 PM
■ it's magic.
Today in one word was nostalgic. (,:
So, I managed to catch up with whom many knew as my best friends in my freshman years at SMB. I truly miss those days where ease was by our side most of the time. Despite the fact that I miss them, I still feel the barrier that I built over our friendship. Partly, I feel guilty.
Tuesday, January 3, 201210:29 AM
■ a new book with more opportunities.
Hello there! Have a blessed year ahead of you! & stick to your new year resolutions! Remember that you are capable in overcoming any obstacle and never give up no matter what. For those who let your emotions take over you, remember that everyday is a better day and never dwell on the past. I am done with dwelling and I understand how much it hurts sometimes to move on. (': & I believe you are stronger than you know you are. For those who always procrastinate like me, make studying+doinghomework+revisingdiligently a resolution. Always bear in mind that education in Singapore is utmost important as that will determine our near future.
Enough said. Sighs, I miss school. Now, I'm wondering how's the first day of school like for everyone schooling today. Hmmm.... speeches, introductions, briefing on taunting topics, new teachers, outlook on drudgery that's coming up... That's pretty much of what I could think of now.
Ciao.
Wednesday, December 28, 201112:36 AM
■ you know I'm serious.
This is going out to all who reads my blog. You guys can drop me a message by emailing, PM, or simply messaging me with a topic that you really really want to know more about me. An example of a question would be, well this is quite common, who do I crush on etc. Hahaha, this might sound crazy but I'm not backing out in taking risks. Anyways, if the question gets too personal, I would email/message you personally then. So, go go go! Kay, I'm talking to basically no one here. :/
Oh, the interview earlier was...flattering. Hah. I think I might just forget about the job deals. ): The photoshoot for my com card might be a lil too costly for a freelance model. Hmmmph.
Wednesday, December 7, 20119:54 PM
■ just the way you are.
He's cute. He's adorable. He's charming. He's humorous. He's attractive. He's the shy-type. His smile- whoa, boomz. He's helpful. His awkward name. His flirtatious wink. He's cool. He's AWESOME. Great, now my puppy eyes are all over him. Guess who is he. (;
Heartthrob. ♥
Work was supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. The company of workers makes it fun while the drudgery makes me dread. The only thing I dislike is being bossed around - well, I believe its okay for 'juniors' of the job, right? Oh right. And I survived the days of working as a waitress; reward at the end of the day was aching feet and aching wrists. I shouldn't whine much about that cos' that's basically the basis of the job. In addition, on lucky days, sweet desserts would ease the thought of aching muscles and that's what I love about this job- the perks. :3
On other days when I'm not working, I would either have a family outing, shopping, movie marathon or lazing off the whole day reading books and magazines. That's my jolly good break. Gradually, the routine have got hold of boredom into its system that I dread for an adventure to happen. I had plans to explore Singapore but whenever I try to, some things will hinder me from doing so. Great? Well, yeh. I've also been turning in late ever since the start of the jolly good break - that would simply explain the unflattering dark circles. ): Hahaha.
Well, just another shoutout: I miss my awesome friends. ))):
To end this off, here's Austin Mahone's cover of On My Mind by Cody Simpson. :D
Saturday, November 26, 20117:37 PM
■ forget you.
"See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns."
That was how I felt. Well, discard the 'ball gowns' and replace it with 'elegant dresses'. In short, prom was a blast, except for the fact that I missed the dancefloor encore and not being able to finish my mango pudding. ): Guess I've nothing else to elaborate about the flamboyant event- you can catch the whole drama from looking at the pictures posted at facebook. Like they say, a picture speaks a thousand words. (:
Holidays lately have been rather a jolly good break. Although the break may still be long for some, mine is coming to a pause when the next drudgery arrives- work. I got myself a job as a waitress at a fine dining restaurant. Not that I favour towards the job of being a waitress but the perks are beckoning me- free food, a reasonably high pay(it's charge per hour is slightly higher than any other part-time job). Come to think of it, I'm wondering how ache-y my body can get after a day work- heard that being a waitress is really tiring. I hope that it wont torture me that much.
Before I end this entry, here's a cranky photo of me during Os. Spot the obvious pimple! Hahaha.
Friday, September 16, 201111:20 AM
■ utter despair.
Delirium overwhelmed me. Consequently, forming a barrier in my cerebral nerves which prevents me from having a crystal clear mind. That would pretty much explain the results that I am going to receive for my EL Paper 1. I'm such a failure; not only did I screw up this paper, but also for my EL Paper 2. The dam in my eyes have yet to unleash the strong currents that will tear apart my sore conscience. I'm staying strong, I'm trying my very best to but I guess I'm facing another breakdown later on. Ironically, I have done a lot of practices for English - figuratively by having 'home-exams'. However, I can't help but feel so distraught when I was unable to churn out those ideas(with the flow I always had) during school exams. I guess, my brains work best in the afternoon. Oh great, I don't know why but I'm drenched in hopelessness. It's like the future is a dark abyss which everyone is simply unaware of the dangers and 'the unexpected' lurking. Holding firm to my word, I will stay optimistic and yes, I will. Hope is all I have while time continues to crawl by. Let time be my ally while I pound myself with mock examinations and another round of thorough revision as so to ensure that 'O's will have a pleasure disposition when it arrives. Ya Allah s.w.t., berikanlah ku kesemangatan untuk menghadapi segala cabaran dalam hidup dan berikan ku petunjuk apabila ku tersilap langkah. Amin.
I leave the rest up to you, God. It's all in your hands.
Friday, August 26, 20114:47 PM
■ hurdles.
I'm getting those jitters now. Sheesh. What am I doing here? Here goes me procrastinating. Nah, I'll 'punish' myself with longer hours of revision tomorrow to replace the time lost to this-and-that-for-this-week by this weekend. So, results were released just recently. I didn't do as well as what was expected of me; now everyone's daunting me with 'you should have listened' and stuffs like that. But time would never rewind. Hah, and thanks to my last min prep. for MT Oral and the trial on my weakest spot for the MT Paper 1 are obviously the culprits for my not-so-good grade. Why am I even so riled? Sighs. Great, I shall end my rant here about my result anyway and be optimistic towards achieving my goals for the coming papers. (:
And reminder to self: Study smart.
